living schizoid.

I have a schizoid personality type. I don't like to say disorder because I am pretty functional, medication and therapy free, etc. Basically someone with this personality really enjoys being alone, doing solitary tasks, feels uncomfortable around new people and speaking publicly. People like me who are on the extreme end become hermits and recluses and are sane but prefer being alone, they are not afraid of coming out doors and venturing around they just prefer to do it at times when many people aren't around.
I enjoy being around very, very few people and they know who the are since I see them. Some people in the MHC (mental health community) think that we don't enjoy doing things or that we don't feel pleasure. This isn't true! We tend to be very rational people who see things from different perspectives which gives the impression of general apathy for life. We like doing things alone or with people we trust but when we need to be alone we will be ALONE! I love to spend time with my significant other, and yes people like me enjoy sex too, lol.
This is not to be confused with schizophrenia. I have no idea why they decided to pick such a similar name, when I mention it to people they clutch their pearls thinking I'm gonna go ape shit at any second.

Paranoia

Isn't it funny how when you are paranoid about something and then you ask someone a question their answer adds to the paranoia? OK well it isn't that funny to the paranoid person cause it drives them bat shit crazy.
My paranoia has been fueled by lack of sleep and vague ass answers to questions I ask friends.

It feels like a hurricane inside me. A vortex of doubt and reason battling for dominance, but there is no winner. I feel like I can't believe what I see and what I am told, skepticism reigns supreme. It's actually more than skepticism...It's tough to describe. Luckily I'm not paranoid to the point where I think people are out to get me, I'm not that crazy, I just can't trust what I am being told by close partners. I feel as if they are constantly lying and I have to remember everything that is said to prove their lies...and made up infidelities in one case lol.
Oh well it will get better when I don't have so much time to focus on bullshit!

Insomnia

I've been afflicted with insomnia for the past two months. I love to sleep and usually it happens without a hitch, but lately things are changing. It's becoming harder and harder to fall asleep without some type of chemical help especially when my body is sore from lifting or just hurt from life itself.
I can only get a really good nights sleep when I'm with my man-friend. If I am alone I spend the night with Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich. (big ups to RadioLab)
I can't stay like this since school is starting soon and I will have to focus during the day instead of sleeping it away. Does depression make you stay up at night? I assumed it made you too tired and listless to enjoy life.
Perhaps my depression is manifesting as pain which keeps me up at night only to be dulled by the wonders of vicodin. There is a reason my friends call me House. I have the limp and shitty attitude too, I'm just cuter!

Side note: Hugh Laurie is very hot btw, I'm crazy not blind......well I am blind but thats what contacts and glasses  are for.